Let's introduce ourselves, shall we?

I suppose my blog should have a little “About Me” section ,eh?
My name is Heather. Rhymes with feather, weather, and tether. In 3rd grade, I ran for school secretary and my slogan was “Whatever the weather, vote for Heather”. Clever, I know. Thanks Dad! I am 25 years old, although I feel anywhere from 5-10 years older than that. I have been married for over 5 years to a cool guy named Marke. He’s handsome, driven, and thinks I’m the bees knees. Which, of course, is his best quality. We have some kids; 4 to be exact. Dakota, 3; Jackson, 2; Montana and Bradyn, 19 months. Yes, I have my hands full, thanks for noticing. I’d be more grateful if you pitched in and helped instead of making stunning observations, but do what works for you. I’m a stay at home Mom, and I’m honest enough to admit that I don’t ALWAYS love it. Sometimes, staying at home with the kids is just too hard. I drink a lot and stay heavily medicated, however, so that eases the crushing pain of being alive. (Note: I’ll leave it up to you to determine if I am joking or not.) We live in Victorville, which is just about as big city as I ever need to be. I have parents, who are a big part of my life, a brother and a sister. I married into a pretty cool family, they like me more than Marke. Ha! I work here and there to make a little extra cash, and more important, to keep what’s left of my sanity. All in all, a pretty sweet life, occasionally plagued with mishaps and misfortunes, but really, isn’t that what makes it so interesting? I use this blog as an outlet for all kinds of creative energy, if you don’t like, please don’t read it. I welcome any comments, suggestions, or questions. If you’re mean however, I’ll probably cry. Just a warning. I’m also taking applications for a full-time nanny (I‘m a non-profit organization, if you know what I mean. Read: I don‘t pay!), and a man to weed the backyard. Inquire within.

Manic Monday

BORED, HIGHLY UNMOTIVATED INDIVIDUAL SEEKS MEANINGLESS BLOG ENTRY

1. Where is your cell phone? Floor
2. Describe your husband? Smokin'
3. Your hair? Long-ish
4. Your mother? Loving
5. Your father? Funny
6. Your favorite item? Blackberry
7. Your dream last night? Blank
8. Your favorite drink? Soda
9. Your dream car? Rover
10. The room you are in? Stinky
11. Your ex? Gay
12. Your fear? Alone
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Gangster
14. Who did you hang out with last night? Friends
15. What you’re not? Blonde
16. The last thing you did? Granola
17. What are you wearing? Dirty
18. Your favorite book? Pigman
19. The last thing you ate? Crunchy
20. Your life? Love
21. Your mood? Good
22. Your friends? Funny
23. What are you thinking about right now? Kids
24. Your car? Grey
25. What are you doing at the moment? Uh...
26. Your summer? Sweaty
27. Your relationship status? Determined
28. What is on your TV? Fingerprints
29. When is the last time you laughed? Morning
30. Last time you cried? Yesterday
Copy. Paste. Answer. One. Word.

Spoonlegs, where you at?

NEW PROFESSION COMING RIGHT UP...

Well, I am happy to report that whatever mysterious illness swept through our house last week, is gone now. In its wake are weird, strange rashes, but those we can manage. Burning fevers and listless children is not something I can handle for very long. It's funny (funny ironic, not funny haha) that I complain so much about how high energy the kids are and then the second they slow down, I'm shoving a thermometer in their armpit and consulting Dr. Google. The sad news this week? Bradyn's constipated and I fear that I may be spelunking for poo soon.

SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK
Now, I'm a self-professed grammar and spelling Nazi, and I know that I still make mistakes...I blame my public school education. (Far be it for me to admit fault) Anyway, poor grammar and spelling on business signs irk me to no end. Like the "Tux" Ego and Bridal Shop. Say what? Wouldn't the "Ego" be the implied part? Or am I crazy? (Maybe just a little)

The house desperately needs a thorough cleaning. Any Molly Maids out there want to come and help me? I just can't get motivated enough to do it. I have ennui about housecleaning nowadays, its the most recent catch 22 in my life.

The work and home divide is getting to me. I wonder if this is a gender problem, do you think men ever face that juxtaposition? I recently opened up a folder for work, and found that the first page was covered in Montana scribbles. I highly doubt Marke has ever opened up plans for a building only to find Crayola had been there. For the sake of argument, it's fair to say that Marke never leaves his plans around the house either. Which prevents such an occurrence from happening in the first place. So, is my juxtaposition self-made? Or perhaps I made up an entire scenerio just so I could use that word, juxtaposition. Food for thought...

--Heather's off like a dirty shirt

1 tsp. every 4-6 hours

I KNOW ROSS GIVES A DISCOUNT

Today must be Senior Citizen Power Day. We went to Costco this morning (the horror!) and every blue-tinged hair, denture-wearing, senior-discount citizen of the High Desert was in attendence. Even though I am poking fun, it's more enjoyable to shop with them. They're slow, but easy to get around, they don't make obnoxious comments about the kids, they just love on them and pinch their cheeks. Probably while walking away, they thank their lucky stars that the only diapers they have to change are their own.

IT CUTS LIKE A KNIFE

The Davenport house is once again disesase ridden. Different than the mental illness that usually plagues our house, this one is of the fever and lethargy variety. Bradyn has been hit the hardest, with quite the fever. Motrin's got my back though, and is doing a great job of keeping the fever down. I don't doubt that it's miserable for him, but you know he's loving the attention he's getting from his Mama. I'll let it slide when he's this young, but if he starts developing an Oedipus complex, Marke's gonna be the one dealing with him.

I have so much more to say, but duty calls. Peace out, yo.

--Heather will stop when she's full